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becoming home

by Monica Laytham

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1.
(spoken) ...circling back to the beginning... Oh, I'm a heavy-headed girl, heavy-headed girl. I walk around, weighed down, with a worry and a frown, trying to ease my troubled mind, trying to ease my troubled mind. Well, I went to church, and I sang the songs, I sang "Alleluia," and I said the words, said "Make me whole, I got a bag full of burdens and the devil on my back, I'm a heavy-headed girl." Chorus I took to the drink - drink took me in, and I swallowed down some rest for the night. Still lookin' for a message in that bottle. Got my mind on my honey won't take me for a wife, I'm a heavy-headed girl. Chorus Well I'm walkin' down the line, trying to walk away. Every place I go I've already been - high on a hill, down in that valley. Walkin' on stones and bones and thrones, I moan and drone on. Droppin' gold through the holes in the pockets of my clothes, I'm a heavy-headed girl. Chorus
2.
I'm Worn Out 01:53
O I'm worn out from waiting on a revolution Worn out from standing in straight lines Worn out from everyone's evangelizing Worn out from their talking about what's wrong and what's right
3.
I know you by the sound of your shoes
4.
We dreamed a river deep, my darling, holding slow to all that's free. Caught up waiting for the end, my darling, we never bothered to begin. Oh, oh, oh - And I feel fine so far. It's all been kind to me so far. Love is where you are. We threw stones with blinded aim, my darling. Truth and answers ain't the same. Our sighs are deeper than our words, my darling. Our love is last and lost and learned. Oh, oh, oh - And I feel fine so far. It's all been kind to me so far. Love is where you are. It's gone rain... And I feel fine so far. It's all been kind to me so far. Love is where you are. Love is where you are.
5.
I'll burn the candle 'til the sun comes back I'll wait 'til the morning I'll burn the candle 'til the sun comes back I'll wait for you And you saw through me And you saw me through Write me a letter using famous peoples' lines Be humble enough to say Somebody else said it better fly better finger better milk Betters can't be choosers Bet I wish you'd chosen me before you met her Oh, you saw through me Oh, and you saw me through I'll burn the candle 'til the sun comes back I'll wait for the morning I'll burn the candle 'til the sun comes back I'll wait for you
6.
Teach us to die each day to our sin. Empty us, Lord - send your Spirit in. Fill us with courage, fill us with peace. We look to you, Jesus, our help is in thee.
7.
In the early morning rain I'll call upon your name In the early morning rain I'll call upon your name O my light O my love Through the passing of the day I'll call upon your name Through the passing of the day I'll call upon your name O my light O my love O my love... In the cool of evening's shade I'll call upon your name In the cool of evening's shade I'll call upon your name O my light O my love O my love... In the early morning rain Through the passing of the day In the cool of evening's shade I'll call upon your name O my light O my love O my love...
8.
Long Point 03:04
Ice in its bark and holes in its height, wearing the snow, even dusk is bright - and if we out-walk the cracks we hear, when it falls to the earth and nobody appears does it make a sound anyway? Does it make a sound at all? Doubts fed by pleasures take hold of my mind. Moments are miracles mapped in the time. But if my feet drag, if I limp, if I crawl, If I wander off course from the hour of call will I hear the call anyway? Will I hear the call at all? Grace keeps the injured from falling behind - the hands which extend it hold onto the time. Snow makes each footstep look just like the last. Quiet and loneliness move me to ask won't you walk this world with me? Won't you walk this world with me?
9.
Sit With Me 04:09
Sit with me and empty your mind Give yourself to the darkness Be her child Don't be afraid This is the last moment before the first time I tell you that I love you Twice I've seen you now We've spoken of many things I've walked the ground of your home And my first thought when I saw you sitting there was Oh, that boy is striking And I stared too long And I forgot to sing Oh, you unraveled me the first time that I saw you I will wait in the silence While you breathe I won't be afraid if you don't answer right away Won't be afraid at all 'cause I know time can't contain us anymore Our first smile had to be a hundred years long Oh, you unraveled me the very first time I saw you And I'm ready now to tell you that I love you
10.
Your song is an ember waiting to be believed. Small breaths, and you tell her, tell her she can see - see a red leaf in a silent chrome. Oh, you need to let her rest before you speak. His eyes are a mirror, a song that captures me, fills my soul with dust and dirt, with what I'm made to be - be a breath, deep in the turned-up soil of moments. Oh, I need to be awake so I can dream. I lay, and my lover holds my resting feet. Unseen in the ash-bough's curve, we wander the day that sees us free. Free from dead seeds and the dried-up concrete streets, oh, I've learned that there's a better way to breathe. Free from dead seeds and the dried-up concrete streets, oh, I've learned that there's a better way to breathe.
11.
The waves don't stop in the winter, the birds still sing in the night, the stars still shine when the clouds hang high, and your light will never die. Let your light shine on Keep your head held high Let your light shine on, shine through your soul's dark night. Love doesn't end with a heartbreak, your shame is not who you are. That river of love, it will carry you, the lifeblood of the whole world's heart. Chorus Shine on...
12.
It's been such a long life I can feel the years in my face I can't tell my story Memory failed to keep words in their place Now I'm just a scrap of a song Oh, oh oh Oh, oh oh It's been such a cruel night I'm the only creature still breathing On the edge of my solace, another road appears behind a hill - how long is this death march? There are angels covering me to soothe my soul, soothe my soul. It's been such a sweet sight The world opens to me in the shape of your face, and I'm waiting I still sit in the mystery of things I can't say And words are my failing I've got to find home Been out here far too long There's an aching in my bones I'm trying to be alone I've got to find home Been out here far too long There's an aching in my bones I'm trying to be alone Oh, I've got to find home Been out here too damn long There's a breaking in my soul I'm tired of being alone Joy will come, joy will come

credits

released April 7, 2016

all recordings - copyright Monica Laytham 2016
vox, piano, banjo, guitar, ukelele - Monica Laytham

engineering, mixing, and mastering - Laura Wallace

album photo - James Kang

album art - Jason Brown, Geocommunetrics Institute

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Monica Laytham Evanston, Illinois

After a long life in Chicago, Monica now lives on a catholic worker farm in the rural midwest.

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